Sunday, May 10, 2009

South Park Song

Well if it weren't for the money
Maybe they'd realize how funny
Their utterly purposeless lives are

Well it's okay to be a goddamn slave
As long as you crack jokes along the way

Now I wouldn't dare match wits
With two men with bitch tits
Who really like to draw cartoons

But if you really wana debate me on 9/11
You two dumb jagoffs are bound to lose

I still remember when I heard Cartman say:
"All the evidence points one way"
But all that really means is you didn't do your research
And I think that's fuckin gay
But hey

Comin' across well informed, when ya really don't know shit
I guess that's what's cool these days

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Forgive Him, Father, For He Has Zinned

Another aging soldier of the phony left has decided to come forth and show his true colors. According to the traitorous Howard Zinn, pursuit of accountability for the nighmarishly sinister crime against humanity popularly known as September the 11th, is not only unimportant, but a "distraction" from the "real" crimes of the state currently being committed. Apparently, Howard is disappointed to see such intellectual energy being wasted on such a diversion. I'm disappointed as well.

I'm disappointed to see the author of A People's History Of The United States basically say "forget about 9/11." Another potentially powerful member of the movement has decided to sell his nation out coldly and chose the path of cowardice and self-preservation over the path of courage, communication, and love. I mean, really? We're supposed to believe that the same man who would spend hundreds of pages dissecting every detail of 19th century labor strikes, a man who has spent much of his career urging people to be cautious and skeptical when dealing with official historical interpretations of events, harbors absolutely no curiosity about 9/11, and in fact would advise against questioning the government's explanation? I'm sure most people who have read his work would agree that it is just not possible. It's simply ridiculous. It would be more plausible for Joe The Plumber to have taken control over Zinn's body while answering the question, than for this to be Zinn's true understanding of September 11th. There's really only one possible explanation for this. Howard Zinn is a traitor.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Who Is Jon Stewart? What is Jon Stewart?

Surely, by now you must have realized you're the undisputed leader of TV punditry and perhaps even the mainstream media as a whole. Why someone would seek that shameful title is perfectly beyond me, but I'm not blind to the power it has allowed you to wield. The question is how do you want to use it, and are you going to use it at all?

You have a very limited window of opportunity to escape the inevitable one-way ticket to shillville that awaits all members of the mainstream media. For years you served as a much needed comedic voice of reason for the nation, persistently pointing out the silliness and mutual hypocrisy on both the phony left and phony right. But with the internet finally beginning to fulfill it's potential, it would seem that the role you play is becoming more and more passe. With much easier access to good information, it's becoming more clear to some people what you are and are not permitted to talk about.

For example, your corporate overlords felt it too risky to allow you to dig too deeply into the 9/11 commission report. So you've almost never mentioned it. Simply put, this type of sell-out behavior could have been overlooked back when we needed you. Now that we don't, it can't. And your whole "I'm just a comedian, folks, don't hold me to journalistic standards" argument has worn thin by this point. The reality is that a huge portion of American nitwits turn to you for their knowledge of current events. As repugnant a fact as that is, we must deal with it. You should seriously consider breaking free and leaving Viacom to die from the weight of its own irrelevance.

Think about it. You're rich. You will continue to be rich, and also have new opportunities for profit, if you were to start your own web-based program. Everyone would follow you in droves, and with that kind of support, you should be relatively safe from assassination. Or you could continue along your current path and have the name Jon Stewart forever placed in the Gibroney file. Your choice. I'm just trying to help out.

(Also, 5 bucks to anyone who can tell me what movie this blog's title is from.)